(Apologies for typoes. Wii typing is not conducive to good spelling or long posts... especially at the same time!)

We got our yearbooks today. You know what that means - another round of seniors leaving, another set of signatures to collect, and enough angst to go around.
I got two of my teachers' signatures today, so I'll put those here now and add to them later.

Math teacher:
(Note that this started with him chastising me about how I need to get some work done. A nearby teacher popped in with, "My God, she asks for a signature and gets a lecture!")
"(Surge),Thanks for being a quiet student! Keep pushing ahead - you are a talented math student - just put it to work!"

History teacher:
(My history teacher and I have been arguing for two weeks now about Sega Game Gear vs. Saturn vs. NES vs. N64. It's highly amusing.)
"(Surge),I have enjoyed having you in class. Good luck next year. INVEST IN A GAME GEAR!"
..Best history teacher ever.

Anatomy teacher:
(This was followed by, "I signed under the dead cats." "Yeah, great, the page I was planning on avoiding for the rest of my life." ...We dissected cats this year.)
"Best of luck to you."
(Yeah, original!)

Drama teacher:
"(Surge), You really came a long way in Rep class. I'm very proud of you! See you next year!"
(Note that this is not the same drama teacher, this is my Rep theatre teacher. Who I will in fact have again next year because I'm taking Rep again because I was too chicken shit to try out for A.R.T.)

Latin teacher:
"Salve et vale, (Surge) bona fortuna! Magister"
(Which translates to "Hello and goodbye, (Surge) good luck! Teacher"
(He didn't even sign his name. In like 30 years I'll be like "...what?" But at least this year I can read what he wrote!)

Foods teacher:
(Same Foods teacher from the other two years - I actually had her this year though, for Advanced Foods.)
"(Surge) - To a great girl - hope to have you in class again. Will miss you. Have a great summer!"

English teacher:
"(Surge) Have a wonderful summer and be careful & god. Keep reading and WRITE you have a talent!"

Biology teacher:
(Bio teacher from last year. She's such a sweetie!)
"(Surge), Wishing you a good summer. Stop by and visit me!"

...So yeah. School's pretty much out now. I was planning on doing my hug-every-teacher-for-the-end-of-the-year-thing, but I kind of chickened out when finals happened. XD Except for my Foods teacher, who I've hugged regularly throughout the year, and my Latin teacher, who's just awesome (and I've had him before, so I was relatively comfortable with him.)

OH. And my laptop that I was using for my Latin final? When I'd finished and started to put it up, it started smoking. Yeah, no I'm not kidding. I was wrapping the cord up (it had gotten unwrapped because we had to leave them plugged into the cart) and I smelled something funny. So I looked down at the lappy... and there was smoke coming out of it.
After a few moments of O_____O I set it down slowly... and crawled away from it so fast that I scraped up my knee. (It's still scraped, and that was nearly a week ago. >>) My teacher's reaction? "It's going to get arrested. It's underaged and it's in school!" I facepalmed so hard.

Also, I PASSED EVERYTHING!! I thought for definite I was going to fail math and I PASSED IT!!!

I'm having trouble keeping track of my Nintendo merch. >> So, I'mma list it!

Mushroom plushie
Boo plushie
"You Know You're in the Mushroom Kingdom when..." t-shirt
Yoshi plushie (green)
Small Yoshi plushie x3 (Black, white, red)
Mushroom hat
Mario DS Lite case (I don't have a DS Lite... hahafunny.)
Game Over t-shirt
Mushroom hoodie
Mario keychain
Wii-mote projector Keychain
Mario pajama bottoms
I ♥ Yoshi shirt
Nintendo wristband
Little Yoshi figure that plays the Yoshi Story theme
Mario boxers
Mario plushie
Pikmin plushie (blue)
'Nother DS Lite case, looks like Luigi's overalls
Stylus with a mushroom on top
Stylus with Luigi on top

...And that's not listing the things I've lost. (as far as I can think of, I've lost a "Tools of the Trade" t-shirt that shows a lot of Nintendo controllers, and a tiny plushie of Mario) Or my video games. Or my Nintendo systems. >>; And I may have forgotten things. What can I say? I'm a Nintendo whore.

it has taken over my life.
No, seriously.
I now own:
Two t-shirts
the soundtrack
two of the chapter books
Phineas plush
Perry plush
And do you know what? My friend gave me her mp3 player.
92 songs from Phineas and Ferb. I went through, downloaded them, and put them in chronological order due to the series and what episodes they were in.

"Aren't you a little old to be watching Phineas and Ferb?"
"Yes. Yes, I am."

I am it.
For the last few weeks I have been fangirling SO SO SO SO MUCH over Phineas and Ferb. Like, I own the soundtrack, I watch it all the time, I am writing tons of fanfiction. I will spend hours reading the wiki for Phineas and Ferb. I mean, I know it's Disney Channel, but it is an EPIC WIN SHOW. so, so much epic win. The characters are cute, the songs are catchy as hell. It's got good humor, as opposed to purely bathroom jokes, like a lot of cartoons now depend on. There are references to things that little kids wouldn't get, which make it fun for teens and adults as well.

In short, I am absolutely in love with this show. I've got a few of my friends into it and ... well pretty much everyone is getting sick of it because I talk about it so much. No matter what's going on, I can find a P&F reference to fit the situation, and everything reminds me of a P&F episode which makes me want to explain it to everyone. Which makes them groan, facepalm, and ignore me. Which I can understand at this point, since I've been going on like this for nearly a month.

...I need to find someone who loves P&F as much as I do lykquick, before all of my friends shun me forever. xD

Repo! The Genetic Opera.

It's an R-rated musical, rock-opera type of movie that I've been meaning to spam on here for a long time. It's an awesome movie, anyone who likes musicals, or horror films, or both, should check it out. Personally I think everyone should check it out, but that's just me. Repo-love!

And anyone who checks it out and likes it should definitely join the Repo chatroom at www.repo-opera.com. Because that alone makes the movie worth it. xD

Her name is Dani. She's replacing Izzy.

And I make NO guarantee whatsoever that any of this at all will make even the slightest bit of sense, as it is 5:26 a.m. and my dad woke me up at like 12. oshi--

Yeah.

anyway. Izzy's replacement is a silver Dell Inspiron, and she came with a black keyboard & tiny optical mouse (this mouse is smaller than my old ones, hm), and a black, 17" widescreen monitor. She's really pretty :) She's also the first computer I've ever had that's specifically mine, not a hand-me-down. So she's special to me, y'know?

Anyway, yeah. It's 6:12 now, I got sort of distracted by the Repochat and by MSPaint'int JJ into a ninja.

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y50/cheeseandfancy4/JJ1-1.jpg

Yup, there it is. Proof that JJ is a ninja and I fail at paint. 6:32, by the way. Repochat is quite destracting.

All the innocent who suffer from your stubborness and pride!

Yup, listening to Plagues from the Prince of Egypt. My back is hurting from crappy posture. And you know what's fucked up? I'm not tired anymore! I was tired as hell 3 hours ago and here I am, wide awake. Maybe it was the Vault? The Vault that I drank in like 20 minutes, lol. I'm getting so much worse about drinking soda quickly. 7:11 -- YOU'RE SHITTING ME, it's past 7?

Why the SHIT am I not tired?

Seriously?

and now I sit here, listening to Rick Astley. God damn I love Rick Astley. Is - is my vision blurring? Shit. I think I'm tired now. *headbangs* *to Rick Astley*

Ohhey, this is like my notes on Failbook. <3 The long-ass ones I wrote randomly last year. Whoo!

Iiiii'm going to disappear for tonight. Night! Morning! Whatever! (7:22.)

Well, we're a little over a week into summer break, and I'm bored to death - and just realized that I haven't written about what happened on my finals days!

Thursday, May 21st: Block 1 (Biology)
150 question final, Scantron. Easy enough. I gave my Biology teacher a gift card to Bath & Body works - she was one of my favorite teachers, she was really sweet and she listened to me talk when I needed to about Douchebag. She always had a ton of bottles of soap and lotions from Bath & Body Works - I'd been  planning on it since the middle of the year, and I was even more set on it after everything happened with Douchebag and she was so supportive.
I decided shortly after that block that I was going to hug each of my teachers as I left, but I didn't get the chance to hug my Bio teacher. :(

Friday, May 22nd: Block 2 (English)
40 multiple answer, 40 matching, and an essay that was easy enough to complete. After class I walked up and asked if I could have a hug for the end of the year, and he just griiiinned. (That skinny? Still not healthy. Usually when I hug someone that tight, it's cutting off air flow, but he's so skinny that I was barely even touching his torso. Not even lying.)

Block 4 (Computer Apps)
No-clue-how-many multiple choice, and then a couple documents. I was just about to start on the Access document when he walked by and declared that we didn't have to do that one. I danced with glee. >> I hate Access. Hugged him after class, too. (I only had one female teacher this semester, LOL.) I'll miss him, he was pretty cool.

Tuesday, May26th: Block 3 (Algebra 2)
75 question Scantron, I think. I ended up getting a C, so it wasn't too hard. Not so great at the maths. Walked up after class, asked for a hug. I was expecting one of those side-hugs like I got from my other teachers, sort of a one-armed pat on the back thing.
Nope!
I stand by my previous announcement: He's squishy. In a good way. He said, "Well, I'll see ya next year. Maybe not in class... unless you want to take Algebra 2 again." I said, "Um, no, I don't think I'll miss the class that much." Although, I have to admit - I miss that class like hell.

Block 5 (Latin 1)
Okay, this final was on the computer. It was split into four fifty-question multiple choice tests, one each for Stages 17, 18, 19, and 20. I got a B! 44, 36, 47, and 39 were my scores. And, I finished half an hour before class got out, so I was on the internet for a while. (Some of the test was pretty funny, actually. The stories we had to translate for it, I mean.) Finally the bell rang, and I stood up and grabbed my backpack, and turned to my Latin teacher, who was working on the computer behind me. I asked, "Hey, um, could I have a hug, since it's the end of the year and all?"
"Why would you want a hug for the end of the year?"
"Uh... because... I want... a hug?" And he started to stand up, replying, "Well, I'll give you a hug." And again, expecting a little side-hug, even more so from my Latin teacher, since this is the first time I've hugged him. (But not the last. Fufufufu. Him I shall have again.) But do I get said little side-hug? No. Far from it. This was, indeed, a full-fledged, double-armed hug. And it was quite awkward. For he is old, short, and somewhat round. Ack.

Wednesday, May 27th: Block 6 (Foundations of American Law)
There were a variety of essay questions, and we had to pick enough that the points added up to at least 100. It was also open-book. Very easy. The entire while we were taking the test, the teacher was clearing out the room, because it's unlikely that he'll even be at our school next year. He found four extra Club 121 shirts, Club 121 being the Christian club at our school, and he was offering them to whoever wanted them. After class I stepped up and got a hug and asked if he minded if I took a shirt - "I mean, I'm not exactly in Club 121..." So I took one, and said something about, "I just want a memory of this class. I thought this was going to be the most boring class in the world - Man, I was wrong!" and he laughed. I told him that I really, really hope he stays at my school, and that I'll miss him if he doesn't because he's awesome.

Block 7 (Tech Theatre)
...And then came Tech Theatre. The Tech Theatre final was pretty much hell - it was a project, due the last day. Most of the options involved building or drawing. I am an awful artist, and not very creative at that. So I opted for putting together a CD of pre/post-show music. ...Which didn't get done by the last day. *sigh* So Mr. B was quite displeased at me. He agreed to let those of us who hadn't finished e-mail him our projects.
I did the CD for Rent, and then realized that I can't exactly send a hard copy of a CD over e-mail. So I sent an e-mail explaining, and he sent back one that started with, "Well how about that? You chose a project that can't be sent over email." Um, hello? Thanks a frickin lot, it's not like I did it on purpose. So I ended him sending him a list of the music along with explanations, and a playlist of my choices on Playlist.com. I got a D. I did get a hug from Mr. B, though, and told him that I'd miss him.

...Then I realized that holy shit, my sophomore year just ended, and walked away to cry to keep from crying. Ohjesus.

I got the rest of the yearbook signatures I needed within a couple days, let me finish them up here.

English teacher:
To start this off, I started the year asking to be called Matt. Matt means the same thing that my name does and I liked it better - but it only lasted around 2 weeks, because I consistently forgot to respond to it. I had completely forgotten I even started the year off with this until:
"[Surge] (Matt),
It was a pleasure to have you in class this year. You've got a bright future ahead of you. Keep writing!"
(He was convinced my essays were awesome. I was convinced he didn't even read them - until he reminded me of the topic I used for an essay way at the beginning of the year. Jesus, this man has an awesome memory.)

Law teacher:
"[Surge],
Great job in class this year. You made our class better and I wish you the best."
Woo, generic! 8D

Tech Theatre teacher:
"-Red-
I hope you grow out of this phase were you find me scary. Enjoy you summer of freedom."

*sigh* I miss Mr. B, he was awesome. I went up to him after class that day and said, "My name is not Red." And he made a comment about "Nicknames are the sincerest form of endearment," and my first thought was, "The term endearment is reserved for people you don't hate." And then of course he added, "You know, knowing that you don't like it just makes me want to call you that more," to which I responded, "Hey - I never said I didn't like it." And then, as I do every day, I wished him a good day and walked away with i_wished. (We then promptly walked straight by Pickles, but that's beside the point.)
Y'know what I think? I think that if he's allowed to call me Red I should be allowed to call him Mr. Scary. That's what I think.

about Mr. B, but really none of them are true.

We were doing improv in Tech Theatre on Thursday. It was entirely by volunteering - and Mr. B seemed genuinely shocked to see me raise my hand. Hell, who can blame him? It's not like I've ever volunteered for improv before.
So he grinned and called me up and I stood on the stage, breathing deeply, shaking slightly. And in this game, there were five people; two who were in the whole time, and three who came in for maybe two minutes. At most. So do I get one of the small parts? Shit, no. He puts me right in the middle of things. Thanks.
So the whole time I'm sitting there, trying to do improv. With the whole class watching me, and Mr. B sitting right behind me. And every so often I'd look back at him, and he'd say, "Hey, you're doing great," or, "That's all right, keep going." And he'd smile at me. And after class I walked up and he gave me a high five and said I'd done great, although I spent most of it giggling at whatever was said, and by the time I sat back down I was shaking rather badly. He was really nice about the whole thing.

So everything I've said about how mean he is, or how scary, or how horrible he is for self-esteem? None of it's true. I just like bitching. He's really nice for the most part, and I'm really going to miss him over the summer - even if he is rather intimidating and has his obnoxious moments.

Obnoxious moments such as last week. When he called me up on stage in Tech Theatre and proceeded to make fun of my shirt and yell at me for not knowing what I was doing for my final. But I'm over that now, even if it was majorly uncalled for. Imma miss him.

Well, I did it last year, so I'll do it this year.
We got our yearbooks yesterday and now I post the comments I have gotten.

My Biology teacher:
"Have a great summer & stop buy to visit me next year."
Lawl@ the out of place U in "buy"She's fun though. I signed her yearbook too, only I wrote more than she did. Heh.

My Algebra teacher:
"[Surge],
It was great having you in class. Stay original and carpe diem."
Oh that sonovabitch totally just said that because it's Latin.
This was also preceded by him asking whether I spell it i or i-e, and me bitching about people spelling it with just an e, and Iggeh running by and my Algebra teacher thinking I called him a her. It was followed by me spreading my arms and pouting. He's squishy. xDDD

My Computer Apps teacher:
"[Surge],
It has been fun having you in class. Have a wonderful summer. Keep smiling."
And then his name and a smiley face. He would.
He was also threatening to write comments about him having snuck up on me a million times (loud music + obnoxious teacher = baaad things.), etc. He's fun. :3

My Latin teacher:
y'know actually that's a good question. Not only can I not read his handwriting, it's in Latin.
So I don't know if I'd be able to read it if it were legible.

My Foods teacher, from last year. This was preceded by her looking over the signatures already in there and saying, "Um, why are all these people calling you HAGS?"
I politely explained that it means Have A Great Summer, and she and the other foods teacher started laughing... and she promptly wrote:
"You are a sweetie - miss you in class. HAGS!!! See you next year (I hope)."
Crazy woman.

My Geometry teacher from last year:
"[Surge]
I hope you had a good year. Too bad I don't didn't Alg. 2. Have a great summer. See you next year."
She had written "didn't" over "don't". So, does she now? -angst- I miss her, she was an awesome teacher. Not that my Algebra teacher this year isn't awesome anyway.

Also, Ms. G. The assistant principal who is widely disliked, the one who kicks us out of the school into the snow during the winter (I don't mind it so much in the autumn/spring. It's nice out now.), who consistently gave Douchebag and I crap despite the fact that we /were not/ the only ones cuddling.
Know what she wrote?
"Thanks for always smiling & visiting w/ me! Your the best - Ms. G"
...What?
(She's really not that bad, once you look past the assistant principal-ly-ness. I do occasionally stop and say hi. Just, wth?)

So as far as teachers go, I just have to ask my English, Law, and - Tech teachers. Beh. Mr. B's been a jerk recently. He actually called me up on stage to make fun of my shirt and yell at me in front of the entire class.

There's a whole page about my English teacher. I've decided that he's gone past "optimistic" to "delusional"; he's a new teacher, started this year. And he described his class: ""My students are (the vast majority of the time) bright, respectful people that make it exciting for to come to school."
He's actually said this several times while we were talking. It's like, have you looked at this class recently? They ignore you and treat you like crap, my dear. Acceptance is the first step in the healing process.
(I stand by what I've said, however: It CAN NOT be healthy to be that skinny! The way his shirts fold in sometimes when he's walking, does he even have bones??) Also, his year book picture is absolutely TERRIFYING. He looks maniacal. I guess my class is finally getting to him.

On a completely unrelated note, 21st Century Breakdown came out two days ago - Green Day's new CD. And there is no disappointment in this corner! I'm loving this CD. Although, if I don't get my grades up to all C's, then I owe my dad 4 hours of yard work for it.

Alas, I have to wrap this up... I still haven't finished my literary analysis that was due two weeks ago. And considering he's gone over it with me at least 4 times, I don't want to completely waste his time. Plus, four hours of yard work?? No thanks.

I, er, guess that means I've been on Zondara over a year. Woo.

Well, tomorrow is our yearbook signing for this year. And with the yearbooks go the seniors. I'm going to miss them... Fear is a senior. The one who offered me donuts and gives me hugs every so often. I've seen him a little more recently, and it's making me sad because I'm really going to miss him. He's fun. I'm looking forward to getting my yearbook... but dreading it at the same time. I'm really going to miss that boy. I don't really know any other seniors - I guess I'll miss all of A.R.T., but I don't know anyone in A.R.T. but Fear and one other chick who I never talk to. I know who all of them are, but I've never talked to them. My Dramamommy doesn't even remember me. :(

I hope the yearbooks are pretty. I don't think my picture's going to be in there. I had it taken, but it didn't register or sommat, and I didn't go to get it retaken. Whoo!

I- I feel so empty.

I finished my story, Tank Tops.

I started writing it January of last year. I've been writing this story for over a year, and suddenly I wrote five chapters in one day and it's just gone.

I feel so empty. :(

I've got things to say about Newgai, and I'm not even going to start on those between A) the off chance he'll get on, and B) the fact that I don't want to look back and read it someday and feel like shit again.

So I guess I'll stick to writing about Pickles... again. I think my crush is coming back. No, scratch that. My crush is back. Full force. And by full force, I mean... well, not as much as say, when we still had a class together, but about the same as it was last year. And considering even when it was faded I could barely breathe when I saw him... I saw him the other day, after one of the plays. (Aside from giving all of them bronchitis; this was a different play.) I was waiting with my friends in the back for the theatre to filter out, and while we were standing there, Pickles + his group of friends, the only other people left in the room at the time, walks by. Pickles looks over, sees me... and waves. I on the other hand, turn red and look away.
Great. If he didn't think I still liked him before... which he probably did, considering I blush when I see him in the hallway, he's caught me looking at him several times, just sort of everything. I feel so bad, I spent so much of last year antagonizing him, and I wish I'd just left him alone... but at the same time, I have so many memories just randomly popping up into my head and I wouldn't want to have missed any of them. He's always been so nice! In Writer's Workshop, whenever I saw him in the hall last year, whenever I talked to him, even this year when I say hi or wave. One day I said hi, and at the same time he started talking to his friend - but he still stopped and waved, even though he had a perfect excuse to ignore me or pretend he hadn't heard me.  He's always acknowledged me in the hall, whenever he noticed me - even one day while he was beating that stupid pep drum, he saw me and nodded at me. He was even nice the day I was pushed into him. I didn't know people could be as nice as he has been to me. I mean, some people try to be nice, and I know some people genuinely are. But there's got to be a limit to that kindness. There's got to be a point where he can't be patient any more, he can't be nice anymore, and I'm consistently worried that I'll accidentally hit that border and he'll snap. I can't say I'd blame him. He's been putting up with my dumbassery for over a year.
On that note, how in the hell has it been a whole year since I met him? I mean, this time last year, I was fretting about how he was going to be leaving in less than a month. This time last year, I'd known him 7 months. So how long have I known him now? 19 months? Time's going by so fast! I just want it to slow way down. The only teacher I have this year that I know I'll have next year is my Latin teacher, who I love dearly - but sadly, he's not one of the ones I can just stop and talk to. And I'll miss them all so much. I mean, Mr. B doesn't teach Repertory Theatre. Well, then again- I suppose I thought that about Tech Theatre, too, didn't I? But I wasn't anywhere near as certain about that as I am about this. I know his schedule now. And Rep Theatre isn't on it, only Ms. M teaches that. And I suppose that's better than Ms. D, but still. I - if I have a class I don't need, I may switch into Tech Theatre again. I really, really might. I really do like this class, when I'm doing something. I like feeling like I'm helping - even if it does end me with a pulled muscle in my shoulder.  I s'pose I just want Mr. B happy with me. Meh...
I've been reading my old journals over. I have so much written in there - I can't believe how much I've forgotten from just last semester! Things like, my hugging Mr. B and him not letting go. Things like that, that I thought about a ton at the time. Mr. B doesn't hug me anymore. :( I don't know if he got warned or what, or if he's just being paranoid due to the chick who came in talking about "sexual harrassment" and listed hugs. Maybe he's just mad at me, but he doesn't seem it. I hope he's just paranoid, or mad at me. I don't want him to have gotten in trouble.

God is punishing me for being atheist. *nodnod*

So, one of our school plays ended last night. The Foreigner.

I got my ticket way back in the back with my friends, in the nosebleeds as usual. (It's the Little Theatre. There are no bad seats. Or so I thought.) And we're sitting there, talking, and I'm covering my mouth so as not to breathe bronchitis on anyone. Nobody's sitting in front of us, so I'm hoping maybe those seats will stay empty. About halfway down the row in front of us is a guy who looks scarily like Pickles, but I brushed it off. I'm talking to my friends, having a good time, and then I see Mr. Scary in the aisle closest, talking to someone who looks like his wife, and someone that I recognized instantly as his sister. (From photos on Facebook.)

Shortly after, these two people slide into the row in front of us and sit next to Pickles's lookalike. Then, I see Pickles talking to his friends on the other side of the room. Oh, okay, we're safe on that one! ...And then I see him point to the corner where we are, and I start praying that he's sitting at least a couple rows in front of us.
NO OF COURSE NOT.
As soon as the lights flicker to indicate "sit yo ass down", he slides into the seat directly. In front. OF ME.

So at this point, the layout was:
Directly in front of me: Pickles. Next to him? Mr. B's wife. Next to her? Their sister. And then their brother, and someone I assume to be his spouse/fiance.

...I think I just gave half my crush/teacher's family bronchitis. T____T Of all the rotten luck. If I had to get stuck behind them, did it really have to be the ONE play that I was sick for?
And, I forgot to sign in.
So I was sitting behind six of them, for two hours with  my bronchitisaurus, AND I DIDN'T GET CREDIT FOR IT.

...I'm... I'm just gonna go die now k?

Apparently Mr. B has decided that getting right in my face is the BEST way to cure my phobia of him.

WHAT.

Tech Theatre was a semester class - and I had the absolutely BRILLIANT idea to switch back in. ;___; Dumbassery on my part.

So a while back (second semester, though), Newgai and I were toting extremely long 2x4's. He was holding one end, I was holding the other, and I ducked around Mr. B, cowering as I usually do.
This did not end well.
Next thing I know, Mr. B is right up in my face (quite literally) going, "Hey, what are you afraid of?"
...*points at*
Mr. B: Why?
me: *cannot come up with any other reason that does not involve the words "gorilla", "crush", or "thrust"* Um... because you're tall?"
Mr. B, apparently taking this as my not being able to come up with a reason: Exactly. *walks away*
me: *wat*
Mr. B: *from by the drill cabinet*  You really do need to stop cowering. Be yourself!

Yes, well, myself is terrified of you.

A little more recently, I was trying to get around Mr. B while his back was turned - to make it to Newgai, who was in the screw cabinet nearby. So I tried to dodge around him, but just as I tried, Mr. B turned around. ...Shit. He immediately ducks down and backs me into a corner physically. ;_____; With his face very, very close to mine. Before he finally left. Whyyyy? D:

Even more recently - today, to be precise, I'm sort of ducking away from him. And he gets literally three inches or less from my face, still singing. Also, he can't sing, but that wasn't the scary part. The scary part is the fact that holyshitwhyareyousoclosetome DDD:

Also, on a completely separate note (I hope), crotch shot. ._____. Halp. He keeps walking up in front of me to show someone else something, while I'm on my knees on the stage. ;_________; No please. And unlike when he gave i_wished a crotchshot, he doesn't take steps away. I generally end up flying backwards across the stage to avoid crotch-face unpleasantness. No please, Mr. B.

So... I'm somewhere between joyous and very, very displz'd.

Pickles still be at school. o_____o No, he didn't get held back. I guess he's there every day - I see him more frequently than I'd like to. He works there now.

Whut.

The first time I saw him was after Tech Theatre, I saw him through the door to 164 while we were in the Little Theatre. I was horrified. ...I ended up hugging him nonetheless, because after fleeing I had to go through 164 to get to the Little Theatre because I had left my shirt behind. (I was wearing one of Newgai's.) He didn't seem to remember me. ...This luck did not seem to hold.

Since I've seen him a couple times before school - no big. Then, one of the first days I was getting there early enough to see him, Newgai goes, "Hey [Pickles]." and Pickles nodded at him and continued.
Several minutes later, we thought we were rid of him, and suddenly -
A hand is extending towards Newgai and we're both going "uh?" ...Then we looked up and went "OHSHIT."
Or at least I did.
"Hey. So, what's your name?" and Newgai gave his name. Then, before Pickles could walk away - because Pickles did indeed seem like he was going to avoid acknowledging me --
"And this is [Surge], you remember [Surge] right?" I shook my head at the same time Pickles nodded.
He saw me and said, "Yeah. I do."
and I said, "No you don't." and he nodded again before walking away. ...Fuck.

I've seen him at both of the plays so far (Original One Acts and Sweeney Todd) and nothing big. Y'know.

Yesterday was Halloween. I went to school as Angel despite the no costumes policy. (Angel costume = a low cut, really short santa dress, a black shoulder-length wig, white pants under the wig, an equally low-cut black top under the dress, silver socks and a pair of high heeled shoes.) He walked by before school as usual. He stared at me as he walked by. I can't blame him; he may not have recognized me, plus the fact that no costumes are allowed. He walked back by and Newgai greeted him and Pickles returned the greeting.

(Will go into detail on other responses later.)

THEN. After school. Sitting in the Little Theatre lobby still dressed as Angel (surprisingly; I walked past administration many times in costume.). In the middle of a sentence. I looked slightly to my left - and guess who's walking by. Already turned and looking at me. Aiyeeeee. I stopped in mid-sentence despite my stuttering attempts to continue. He waved before finally looking ahead, but I swear to God it looked like he kept looking back while he was talking to whoever. ._____. Maybe I'm just being paranoid on that one.

Also, he Mary Macked a while back.

I was terrified.

Mr. B hates Newgai.

He doesn't have a reason. At all. Newgai's been being nice and trying to talk to him and stuff. And Mr. B has just been really, really cold towards him. D:

And every time I hug Newgai, Mr. B immediately calls him up to work on stage or in a different room where we can't talk. It sucks. And he semi does the same thing with another kid in the class, my other male friend, S, but not really. ._. He'll see me and S hugging several times before he pulls S up to the stage, or he'll see me and Iggeh or my other female friends hanging off of each other, and nothing. >w< So we're getting a little unhappy.

So after class we took some drills up to the shop for Mr. B and when we passed the Little Theatre again, he was still there. So we slipped in and I went up for a hug. And Newgai mentioned it.Mr. B denied it completely at first.  When Newgai provided examples, Mr. B's story changed to, (OHMYGOD, TEARS. Jonas Brothers + Taylor Swift = fail. T___T Taylor Swift = win, Jonas = epicfailomfg.) "It's just a matter of PDA. It's not you guys, it's everyone." So Newgai brought up my hanging off my other friends (including my male friend), and he said he hadn't noticed it. His story did a complete U-turn! D: It would have been one thing if he at least kept to one story. He doesn't need a reason; he is the teacher. And I'd stop just because he asks us to. Plus, he's Mr. B, my favorite teacher. I just don't like that he completely denied it at first and then used a different excuse. >w< Newgai's pretty mad about it, or at least he was earlier. I'm not mad, just a little unhappy. I'm going to talk to Mr. B tomorrow after Seminar without Newgai around. ._. Wish me luck.

School on Saturdays should be illegal.

Only it wasn't really school, just a Tech Theatre work day. >> Either way, I had to go to school today, at least for a couple hours, for my Tech Theatre class. Which, of course, means Mr. B was there.
Bawwww.
I signed in at 1:15. It started at 1. (Postponed from 9-4 to 1-5.)  I signed out at 5. He originally sent me and my friend Trippy (She falls a lot. No. Seriously. That's all it means.) down to the shop to cut 6 legs at 5'1 1/4".  I measured, she cut, that was done fairly quickly. ...Then came actually putting the legs together. (They're screwed together to make an angle. ._.) I can't use the saw (I will not cut, Iggeh.) or the drill, so I basically held the boards together while she drilled. ...And while Iggeh drilled. ...And while i_wished drilled. Basically, I was completely useless. >w< And at one point, Iggeh and i_wished walked away, and Newgai and I were waiting for them to come back with the drill (we didn't know where they'd gone) because it needed one more. ...We suddenly found out that they were across the room working on something else. We talked while we were waiting. >> When we found out where they were, Newgai retrieved the drill and finished up. Then he left, but not before informing me that Mr. B had been told that we were "sucking face" instead of working. ...And we weren't. I mean, maybe one or two, but I mean, it's not like we were making out or anything.

After that, I basically spent the rest of the time either sitting around watching my friends or delivering the 6'1 1/4" legs (taller than me by like a foot!)  to the Little Theatre. >>; Woo! Even more useless! Newgai left at 4:30, so there was less than a half an hour left, anyway. At 5 I signed out in the Tech Theatre thing, called my mom to get me, and then slunk into the Little Theatre to wait, since it was going to be 10 minutes before she got there anyway. I crouched in the corner to watch the work being done just as Mr. B said, "Okay, we're going to need to clean up," and watched as they set stuff in the corners and up against the walls and carried stuff back to the shop. Finally Mr. B looked my direction and said, "Hey, what are you doing?" I rocked back and tried to hide behind my hands, failing as usual. "Think you can help?" So I stood up and walked down and stood by the stage. Mr. B handed me a hammer, some strange sort of ruler, and something else and said, "Put these in the cabinet with the drills." After foisting the three strange objects into the drill cabinet I returned to my former position, crouching in front of the nosebleed section. The other students in the Little Theatre filtered through the door into room 164, the Drama classroom, and I walked up on stage and looked at Mr. B. He was smiling. I was... slightly reassured. >>; I hugged him and apologized for not getting much done and explained why, and that it's not because I didn't want to work, but because I don't know how. I stood for a few minutes and before he could hurry me out of the Little Theatre, I said, "M-mr. B?" He smiled. "I guess someone told you me and [Newgai] were --?"
"Yeah? Were you?" I shook my head. (I think I was shaking. ...The sad thing is, I'm not kidding.)
"N-no, we really weren't. (insert D-fayce here.)" I explained what had happened. He nodded. (He seemed to believe me. I don't know if he did. I don't blame him if he doesn't, I just sort of want him to trust me. >>;) I apologized again and hugged him. He laughed and said, "For what? You didn't do anything wrong." I stood around a couple seconds more and he said, "Do you have a ride coming for you?" and I said yeah and fled.

I had something to do in Tech Theatre today! :D

He's been putting me with my friends on big projects, but I shy away from those because I'm not entirely sure what to do. ._. So he started making me do other things today, and I was thrilled. >w< First he had me stand on one side of a wooden frame while Iggeh broke the opposite board off the frame. We did that until it was 5 separate boards as opposed to one big frame.
Then he had me deliver a leg for a platform to the stage of the Little Theatre, and then picking up scraps of wood and throwing them away and putting props away.

It was so, so much less boring.

There's no clock in the shop, either. So when I pulled out my phone to check the time, Mr. B walked over and said, "This class will become very unpleasant for those of us who aren't working and using our cell phones during class." So I complained, "There's no clock in here. I was checking the time."
"Oh, and why would I believe that?"
At which point, another friend chimed in, "Because I do it too and you believe me?"
"Well, you're you and she's her."
"What'd I do? :<"
"Nothing." He laughed and walked away. ^^;; Just giving me ahard time, as usual.

At the end of class, I walked up to him for a hug, as usual. He stepped down off the Little Theatre stage and looked at me and said, "We still friends?"

...wat

Silly Mr. B.

I hugged him and he said, "I guess that's a yes."

jlkslkjdewirewoidjklcxz

FUCKYES.

We started school last Friday ^^

My schedule:

Biology 1
English 10
Algebra 2
Actor's Studio
Latin 1 (Believe it or not, I'm really glad to have this class. And it's pretty fun, too. :D)
Aquatics (Halphalphalp. I'm the worst swimmer in the class.)
Tech Theatre (FUCKYES! With Mr. B :DDD)
Seminar (WITHMR.B.)

Omfg. So on A days I have Biology, Algebra 2, Latin, and Tech Theatre, and on B days I have English 10, Actor's Studio, Aquatics, and Seminar.
(Seminar is like Study hall, only everyone has it eighth block. It's split up into three passings and two sessions where students can go visit other teachers.)
I end BOTH DAYS with Mr. B.

That poor man. Hehe.

The first day of Seminar, I wandered into the Little Theatre and stood in one of the aisles looking around for people I know/somewhere to sit, and glanced over at Mr. B for a second. He looked over at me and gave me srsfayce and said, "Come here." My eyes grew to the size of saucers and I shook my head and moved slightly closer to the chairs. He laughed and repeated himself. I shrunk away. "Come. Here." I shuffled towards him and stopped a few feet away from him when somebody got up to talk to him. "Relax and come here." So I finally walked over to him and he motioned for me to follow him and walked across the LT to the other aisle as I shuffled along behind him and he pointed to a girl in the back row. She was wearing an emote hair clip like the ones I used to wear to class. nwn So he said, "I thought you two might have something in common. Introduce yourselves." x3 We got into a very short discussion about the con we both went to last weekend (that we didn't see each other at) and then ignored each other the rest of class. xDDD I thought it was sort of funny. nwn Although "*srsfayce* Come here." was not how I wanted Seminar to start. x3 <3

Um, nothing else really interesting. In Actor's Studio the other day we got into two almost even groups. Our group had one more person than the other group, so when we were assigned people to watch/watch us, I was left out. So when Ms. D, the Actor's Studio teacher (and my Writer's Workshop teacher from last year), asked if anyone had watched me and nobody responded I said, "My invisible friend was watching me. She'd like to point out that I was walking funny." Ms. D asked what my invisible friend's name was, and I said the first name that popped into my head - Ivy.
So everyone, say, "Hi, Ivy."

My Algebra teacher seems really, really cool. ^^ I liekz him. He's another Mr. B, but we've already got one of those, so I won't refer to him as such. He introduced himself as "The best math teacher we'll ever have", and while that may sound conceited, he's just really cool in general. I really like the way he goes about teaching, too. He had an xkcd comic up on the board when we walked in on back to school night, too. :D

My English teacher's great, too. Mr. C. He read us an article the other day in class about McCain not being computer savvy and it was talking about "leet" and "1337". (I facedesked. >>;) Also, he's read Series of Unfortunate Events, so that just makes him so much more awesome.

Latin seems like an interesting class. Mr. G treats us sort of like kindergarteners, really, sounding out vowels and consonants for us. It's pretty fun though and we're beginning to understand words and sentences and such.

Tech Theatre... um. I don't really want to be in this class. .___. It's too late to switch out, and I know I wouldn't anyway, just because of Mr. B. It's just not a class I'm going to enjoy, at all. I'm probably already failing. It's entirely about doing stagework - who'd have thought - and I just don't think I'm going to do very well. But because of it I'm in Mr. B's Seminar :DDD

On Friday we had Tech Theatre, and I didn't do much. At all. He had the few of us left in the classroom move the folded curtains, and then a couple times he sent me and a couple friends to the shop to retrieve things. Other than that, I sat in the front row the whole time, watching what everyone around me was doing. Some were drilling, some were hammering, some were sawing, some of them were just going back and forth between the Little Theatre and the shop. After class, the bell rang and I went back to the third rows and grabbed my backpack before jumping up on stage and standing patiently waiting for Mr. B to finish talking to whoever he was talking to. While he was still talking to whoever, he stepped over and put one arm around me. I hugged him real quick and turned to leave. Iggeh was standing in the door with this truly :gonk: expression on her face and she said, "You hugged it?" "No duh. I hug it every day. I have told you this." "Yes, but hearing something is ten times better than seeing it."
I giggled. ^o^ Oh, we made Newgai put on a green strapless dress beginning of last week. :P It was... a scary sight. I had to follow him into the bathroom and force him into it. xDDD (Let me be the first to say, Newgai shirtless is a very, very scary sight. Also, he would've looked much better in that dress with shaved pits.)

Not physically, emotionally.

Over something that happened in March or April.

Towards the end of March/beginning of April, I was in a generally bad mood and for the most part it was aimed unjustifiably at Newgai. I was needlessly harsh when speaking to him and admittedly tried to avoid talking to him whenever I could. I don't even remember what all I said, but I got really mad at him and said a lot a really awful things to him over Facebook, including what was basically a wish that I'd never met him. I had completely forgotten about it until he mentioned it the other day at the pool, and now I feel completely awful.

I didn't mean any of it. And I had a really shitty reason for saying it. He says it's okay, and that he's forgiven me... and well, one of us had to, I guess. I mean, I guess I meant it when I said it, but less than five minutes later I was texting him apologizing because I felt bad. It was completely out of line and he didn't deserve a word of it.

I talked to him about it yesterday... I'm sure it's gotten a little annoying, but it's been on my mind. Sorry, Newgai! You didn't deserve any of that...

*sulks in corner*

Yup... no longer technically a freshman. HOW FUCKING DEPRESSING IS THAT?

Day three of summer vacation and the boredom is slowly driving me INSANE.

I basically have nothing to do. Between writing fanfiction, being on the internet, talking to friends, and listeningt o music, I have 7 windows open and my computer is probably never going to forgive me. I finally finished the first chapter of my Death Note fanfic I started last summer, though. >> Part of Friday was spent ripping all the songs I like from most of my CD's (although not all of my Green Day ones), making a giant-ass playlist, putting it on shuffle, and making a Guess My Music note on Facebook. ...Two of them. And somehow, despite all of Caesor's music and all the Green Day, semi-obscure country kept coming up. Over and over. (As in, it's not really obscure country, but obscure to my friends who don't listen to country.) What can I say, I love country. Garth Brooks ftw.

Um, yeah, it's 1:28... and I still haven't had breakfast. Biscuits and gravy... so good but takes so long.
1:31. FOOD. <3333 I has potatoes and eggs, Imma gettin' biscuits and gravy later. Potatoes are the most amazing thing ever.

I'm listening to my giant-ass playlist on shuffle, now. Toby Keith keeps coming up again. And a lot of -- Green Day. (Just as I was about to type that, All the Time started. ...By Green Day.)

For some reason, I really want this summer to be just like last summer. Except without my asswipe cousin. No babysitting. D:< I want to be on the same schedule I was last year: stay up till 4 or 5 each night, wake up at 7 or 8. For some reason, I really want to get back into Death Note. I'm back writing fanfics - again. But somehow, I also want it to be like the summer before. I'm getting back into Green Day again and I'm trying to get back into Star Trek: The Next Generation. I want my aunt to get a job so I'm home alone more.
And yet, I still wish my freshman year wasn't over.

How does this work?!

(Also, Nightmare Before Christmas and Callin' Baton Rouge by Garth Brooks keep playing.)

...I am so bored.

I want Havarti.

So, I've taken my yearbook to school every day since we got it. I've had a lot of people sign it, including 6 teachers.

The first teacher I asked to sign, I asked purely for the sake of putting him in a better mood. It worked, but... bleh. He's sorta creepy.
He wrote (if I read his handwriting correctly):
"My pleasure to have had you in class. Have a great summer."

But I swear to tree. You ask a teacher to sign a yearbook, and about half the time you get a paragraph or two.

I asked my Foods teacher to sign. She wrote:
"I have enjoyed your sense of humor and sense of self. Keep it up! Be who you are - you are sweet and creative and I will miss you. Come see me sometime." ...She was running out of room by the time she finished. Today was my last class with her... I hugged her and told her I'd miss her, and she replied that she'd miss me, too, and to come visit her and ended with, "Love ya." Which isn't really common, but I thought it was sweet. ^w^ I'll miss my Foods teacher, she was cool.

Later the same day, I asked my Geometry teacher to sign. She took it and started writing. ...And writing. ...And writing. Then she paused to help a girl and looked up and said, "You don't ride the bus, do you?" I shook my head. And she started writing again. And paused. AND STARTED WRITING AGAIN. XDDD She wrote two paragraphs:
"I am glad you were in my Geometry class this year. You are very talented in math. I hope 7th block wasn't too distracting :).
Good luck in your future math classes... if you ever need help come and see me." I thought it was really sweet of her. (The smiley was sideways, by the way. Rotate that a quarter to the right and you'll have what she wrote.) She was really sweet, for a Geometry teacher. And she was funny, and nice. I could stay after and talk to her and actually have a decent conversation. She was great.

Yesterday, I had my Seminar teacher sign:
"I hope you have a great summer + a fantastic time throughout high school." Woohoo, generic. She never really liked us anyway. *shrug* We were the strange ones.

Today, I had my Drama and Geography teacher sign.
Geography teacher wrote:
"Best of Luck
Be good." .......Pshhh, take all of the fun out of high school, why don'tcha? :-/ He's cool, though.

...Mr. B wrote,
"thank you for all the free hugs
I hope you have a great summer and I'll see you next year."
...Then he handed it back and turned around for a hug. SQUEE! :DDD Hugggggssssss. <3 It was really weird. I love Mr. B, he's amazing. <3

I think I've got all the teacher signatures I really want, except perhaps my English teacher. Need. >w< I only see each teacher once, now that today's over: Once each for final, except Seminar - last class was yesterday - and Foods, which was today, since we started finals today. I probably won't see any of my teachers again next year, except maybe Mr. B - if he teaches one of the two theatre classes I'm taking - or maybe my Geometry teacher, because she'd be the first one I'd go to if I was having trouble. Maybe my Foods teacher. I'd like to go back randomly and visit a lot of them.. maybe I can e-mail some of them. I've recently started e-mailing a couple of my middle and elementary school teachers.

On an entirely different note, I got a text at the beginning of Drama saying that Iggeh'd seen Fear, the junior I randomly hug, and that it looked like he'd been crying. DDD; Not cool. I saw him in between third and fourth block, though, so... I dunno. He seemed fine then. He smiled at me and kept walking, and he seemed okay. Drama was boring, anyway x_x I'm going to fail the final though.. it's basically improv on paper.
I can't do improv.
Let alone on paper.
Crap.
Not the final I wanted to fail. Good thing I've already got an A... A high A. x__x

Somebody posted pictures of Pickles from graduation, which was Tuesday... how depressing. Just another reminder he's gone for good. I know I should just get over it, since I can't do anything about it, but... I still like him, and I can't deny it. I still wish I could talk to him, or see him in the hallway... but I don't think it's really hit me that I'm probably never gonna see him again.

I guess I don't really have much to type, but I still want to type... Damn. I'm really tired. And hell, I don't even know what time it is. One clock says 10:24, one says 11:23.

wat

...It may have helped that my friend just attacked Dr. Pepper. I love Dr. Pepper. ...Yes, I'm blogging at my friend's house. xD;; I was working on it at home earlier, but... yeah... then I came here. And they're talking to some kid I dunno, who goes to their school, and... stuff. So here I sit. Sipping Dr. Pepper and planning to sleep wherever I fall. Which shouldn't be long. x_x

Night.

After days and weeks and months of chanting, "Get out of my head, get out of my life," inside my head, it seems to have finally happened - or at least, the latter. Why do the damned seniors have to leave?

We got our yearbooks today.

Seniors basically took their finals and goofed off the rest of the day; juniors got out of seventh block an hour and twenty minutes early, sophomores got out of seventh block an hour early; freshmen only got 40 minutes for signing. I'd been carrying my Free Hugs sign all day, so before I left seventh block I stole a hug from my amazing Geometry teacher.

As I walked down the hall with my two friends, one of them happened to run off with my Free Hugs sign. As in, he was still walking right next to me, but he took the sign. It was a pain to carry anyway, so I ignored it. We finally got down to the main doors and one of the principals (at least, I think that's what he was) was standing by Pickles, and as we walked out he said something to my friend about, "Cool Free Hugs sign," or something about... I don't remember how he phrased it. At all. xD; But as he said that, I grabbed the sign back from my friend and shot a glare at the guy who'd said it. He repeated the comment to me. I high-tailed it out of the building. The only thought still in my head was HOFUCKGETAWAYFROMPICKLES. DDD: So I got my yearbook and I was crouching down, stuffing my Green Day hoodie into my backpack because it was freaking HOT outside, the next time I saw Pickles. He walked by; I dunno if he saw me, I didn't see him until he was past. I squeaked. x_x;; So after getting some signatures, I decided to look for Pickles. Since today was his last day, I needed to get his signature today. The rest I can do next week.  I spent thirty minutes, with Newgai's help, searching for that boy. (Boy? Man? What the hell is he? He's still a teenager... but he's not in high school anymore. Jesus Christ.) Finally, as we walked towards the door (somewhat), Newgai turned around and pointed. After nearly half a minute of staring in the general direction he was pointing, I saw him. So I stood, staring at his back. There was a circle of people around him, waiting for him to sign. Not that this is a surprise, considering he's really popular. After a couple minutes of him trying to coax me into walking up to Pickles, Newgai finally said, "Are you going to ask him or am I?" ... Several minutes later I finally walked up. Because Newgai probably would. x_x;; I stood beside him - well, behind him/beside him. He looked over his shoulder (and how the hell he could see me from way up there is beyond me >>) and went back to signing. After several more, he took somebody's and looked over at me and said, "You'll be next." ...Yeah, because I was definitely getting impatient. Pale as a ghost? Quite likely. Redder by the minute? Also a good possibility. But not impatient. Hell, at that moment I was focusing on not crying. The night before, all it took was seeing his name or his picture on Facebook to make me cry. Standing next to him, watching him sign yearbooks, was enough to put me on the verge of tears. So he hands randomperson's yearbook back and reaches over and takes mine... and hands me his.
Omfgwtf.
What the hell am I supposed to do with this? D:
He got distracted within a few seconds of me staring nervously at the obnoxiously heavy book in my hands. When he finally looks down at the yearbook he's holding and opens it, he goes, "...Whose is this?" When he repeated the question, I said, "...Mine." He looked down. "Whose is that?" and nodded at the one I was holding. "...Yours." "Are you going to sign it?" O____________O *nod* "Are you okay?" O__O *nodnod* I opened his yearbook and -- erm -- attempted to find a place to sign and finally crammed my, "I'll miss you! Love you," and my name into a tiny little space in the corner. Wonder if he'll ever notice it. Or if it'll even register that that was from me, the annoying little freshman with a crush on him. So we traded off yearbooks again and I went back to my friends. He'd written, "Hey, take care," and his name. A bit later I followed one of my friends over as he asked Pickles to sign his ass (which, thankfully, Pickles declined) and while my friend walked away I loitered for a second and claimed a hug.
...I managed to avoid crying through the rest of the school day (which involved Iggeh Pocky-bombing Mr. B) and taking the test and all that for my learner's permit (I don't want to drive!). Barely. While we were in the car, I flipped the yearbook open to a picture of Pickles. My dad looked over and asked who it was and I told him, since he's heard enough about him. And my dad keeps badgering me about grades and responsibility and driving, despite the fact that he knows I don't feel good, and he finally goes, "I know what it is, you're just sad Pickles is leaving." ...I looked out the window and denied it while trying desperately to keep from crying. And failed. And I could hear the amusement in my dad's voice as he confirmed it. Thanks, Dad. Thanks a lot.

Dunno why I'm so upset, I've been crying on and off since I got home... I've known since I met him he'd be leaving at the end of the year... But it went so fast...

So.
The A.R.T. shows have been the last couple days.

...I made the mistake of going.

Twice.

I figured after the first night, it couldn't get any worse! [/defensive]

So, the first night - it was okay, I guess. The show, I mean. Afterwards we loitered around a while - and Iggeh got the beautiful idea to shove me.
Into Pickles.
THANKS A LOT, IGGEH. DDD:

I was so embarrassed. I huggled him and said, "I'm sorry! She pushed me! Forgive me?" Dx I know it sounds retarded, but I was really freaked. And she pushed hard! So I hit him pretty hard, I felt really bad. >w< He just hugged back and said, "It's okay." >////////< Goddamnit, Pickles.

Honestly, you'd think it wouldn't get too much worse than that, right?

Nope, nope nope.

This time it was his fault! Which makes it five times worse.

My friends and I were still loitering around in the Little Theatre afterward. It seemed better the second night, not sure why, it was the exact same thing. Well, as I was talking to these friends, Pickles walked by the door. (Ohgawd, forgot to mention, the first night we were standing by the door we don't usually go out and Iggeh turned around and ran across the Little Theatre to the other door. So I ran to follow her and about halfway across the room, I saw Pickles in the other door, skidded to a stop, turned, and ran back to the door I'd been at before. xDD Also, at one point, I paused to talk to Mr. B, the Drama teacher, and when I turned around all my friends had successfully disappeared. But that may have been last night. I'm not sure.) Well... either way, he walked by, and he looked in at me and said, "Hey." and then started talking to one of my friends. Which I didn't mind, clearly. I figured he'd go away. My brain had already stopped functioning due to the fact that he'd said hey to me. Or maybe it was just that he was there, that's generally quite enough.
No. No luck.

After he finishes talking to my friend, he looked directly at me and said, "Hi."
...I froze. Like a frickin' deer in headlights. And he stood there. ...And stood there. DDD: Go awayyyy. I'm staring at you like you're the most terrifying thing I've ever seen in my life. And yet you keep standing there. (OHFUCK. DDD: I posted on his Wall on Facebook saying that he did a good job at the show and that I forgot to mention it afterwards. He wasn't supposed to reply ;w; All he said was "well thanks" but it was enough to make my stomach run away. Gahhh! ;w; ) Goaway ;w;

Finally I walked up and said, "Hug?" and after I hugged him he finally left. x______x I think I died a little bit between Thursday and today... Ohjeez... Stomach, come back! Hell, after this year, it may never forgive me. x___x

ICK. Surge is retarded. Surge is seriously retarded.

After the multicultural festival at her school two days ago, she was waiting in the Drama hallway as usual. All the walk down, she was three feet or so behind Pickles. So he was down there, too. Well, being the idiot I am, I ran up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder and ducked to the other side when he looked away. (WOW, I got into third person without meaning to. Ha.) So I spent several seconds dodging from side to side to keep him from noticing me - until he unexpectedly switched shoulders. I looked up at him sheepishly. "Oh... That didn't work too well, did it?"
"No, it didn't."
So I stood up. "Hi."
"Hi."
...And then, since neither of us had any idea of what to say, we spent a minute stumbling over words and finally he said, "How are you?" and at the same time, slightly louder, I said, "What's up?" So, I guess since I was louder, he responded.
"Just, uh, just standing here."
"Supposedly."
"No, I really am just standing here."
"That's what you think."
"You don't think so? What do you think?"
"I don't think."
"Why?"
"It hurts."
"No it doesn't - you just think it hurts."
I opened my mouth to respond, paused and closed it again.
"...I have no response to that."
I poked him. Poke him again.
Poked him again.
"You seem to like poking me."
I shrugged.
"I poke people."
"I do that, sometimes."
"Hug?"
I spread out my arms hopefully. He shifted his backpack a bit and held out an arm. I hugged him. I don't think he hugged back, but I may have not been paying attention - or maybe he put his arm around my backpack. Guess I'll never know. After a real short moment I let go.
He said, "Good stuff." I would've turned pink, but I was already cherry red. x__x;;
"Is that a CD player?"
He pointed at the thing in my hand which was, quite obviously, a CD player.
"Yeah."
"What are you listening to?"
"Green Day."
"Cool."
At this point, we'd had eye contact basically the entire time. Which, he's like a foot or more taller than me. I only come up to his chest. x_x  So, I was feeling a little intimidated - and getting a neck cramp, but that's beside the point.
"I'm a little scared of you."
"Why?"
"Because you're scary."
...Why the hell even bother asking why? You KNOW why. You definitely know why. Unless you didn't read the note I threw at your head in October.

Which hopefully you didn't.
"I can accept that."
"Just thought you should know."
I patted him on the arm. Like, the upper arm, by his shoulder. And holy fuck. That boy is muscular. Holy fuck.

And all of a sudden from across the room, my friend cooing loudly,
"Piiiiiickllleeeeessss~" (We call him this in real life so no one knows who we're talking about. x____x)
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
"SHUT UP, *insertnamehere*!!"
And after a couple more moments of extremely awkward eye contact and no talking at all,
"...Excuse me, I'm going to go kill my friend..." He nodded. I hugged him again really quick and ran over and started giving my friend shit because WTF? I was actually having somewhat of a conversation with him! Why the hell did you have to go and do that? ;w;

But... he did hug back, the second time... So... um... yeah.
I sort of didn't expect him to.. It was a really short hug and I didn't see why he would if he hadn't the first time, but I hugged him real quick and as I was letting go I felt his arm on my back. owo I wanted so bad to just keep hugging him, but... I figured I was already pushing it... So...

Also, he has huge eyes.
They're absolutely gorgeous, but they're huge. I mean, of all the times I've seen his face, or had eye contact with him, I had never noticed that before. His eyes were really big. In proportion to his face. Which I mean, I certainly didn't think it detracted from his attractiveness, but it made it seem a lot more awkward... I dunno, the whole thing was way awkward, but it was also the first time I've ever even had that much of a conversation with him - even if it was really short and choppy. It was really nice. I hope I get the chance to talk to him more... before the seniors leave...

So, I realized today - I have completely trained three people, two of which I've barely talked to.
Obviously, guys are super easy to train. :B

Last semester, my first block class - Writer's Workshop - was almost entirely juniors and seniors, with some sophomores thrown in - and Iggeh and me. The only two freshmen. Fxck. All semester, I sat directly behind two  seniors - who, I will say, made better doors than windows, and since I'm sort of short... bleh, couldn't see the board all too well. ANYWAY. Obviously, one of those seniors was Pickles - the guy I currently like. (Sadly... >w<) Either way, it turned out most of the people in the class were pretty cool - even the scary seniors. (Woah, holy shit, I just realized I'm the only person in the house still awake. And singing loudly. Woooowwww, Surge. Good job.) Well, sometime shortly before the end of first semester, I decided to have a day where I hugged as many people as I could. Which was basically a failure; I only got 41 hugs, because I'm too shy to ask most of the time. (Totally doing a hug day on the sixteenth, the senior's last day. And just hugging anyone and everyone who'll go along with it.) Before first block, I got like 10 hugs. Pickles was in the hallway, too, but I was scared of him. So the other senior I sit behnd - umm... what to call him... damn, um, I'll just call him Scary - walks up the hallway. (I was really early that day.) So I stop him and poke him and hugged him and gave him his number and we finally went into class. I didn't hug the junior - Fear - that I sort of wanted to, because he was talking to Pickles. Well, as we sat in class, basically doing nothing, Iggeh and I started singing - La Vie Boheme, from Rent. A few words into one of the lines, I heard another voice join in. A male voice. What the hell? So at the end of the line, I glanced over, and did a doubletake. Scary, the senior, was singing with us. Homfg! What? So as Iggeh and I both stopped singing, he kept going until I finally said, "You know La Vie Boheme?" ...Later, I added him as a friend on Facebook and hugged him again a couple days later.

Since the turn of the semester, I saw a performance at my school. That he also happened to attend. And afterward, I walked up behind him and poked him. He turned around and saw me. His first response? He opened his arms for a hug.
I am a very huggy person, clearly. I absolutely love hugs. And we have some damn huggable people in our school. Scary is one of them. I thought that was just wayyyy too cool.

Then there's Fear, the junior. He was also in my Writer's Workshop class, but we didn't interact much at all before this. We had Cappuccino Day, a day where they just sell snacks and cappuccino in the library for around a dollar, and teachers could take their classes down there. My Writer's Workshop class went down, so I waited by the door while Iggeh got stuff. Well, as I stood waiting, Fear walked up. He asked if I had any money, and I told him that I didn't. So what's he do? He offered me one of his doughnuts. :3 It was really sweet ^o^ I declined anyway, but it was cool. Also, at the 5 a.m. pep rally (WHAT GENIUS CAME UP WITH THIS? Pep rally at 5 in the fucking morning?? The scary part was that there was actually a lot of energy o__o Where is it coming from?!), he turned around and started talking to me randomly because I was alone. 

A couple days ago, our school had a charity picnic. (See: Dunk tank, later in post.) After school, I was waiting in the Drama wing with a lot of my friends. And I turned around and just randomly hugged Fear and told him to fear me. He agreed and I hugged him again, though very awkwardly, as it was from behind. The closest thing to hugging back he was able to manage was putting his hand on my arm, lol, which he did. (Squee, he was really huggable. It was sort of strange.) Then on Wednesday, I was walking down the hall with my friend, Awk, and Fear was walking down the stairs next to the Little Theatre. And Awk poked me in the side - and I, distracted, jumped and squeaked. I commented, "I don't know why I squeaked, I knew you were there," and Awk replied with, "Well, you poked me - I was just poking you back." So Fear, several steps in front of us, turned around and started giving Awk a hard time (jokingly). We hugged again and went into our separate classes.
Between 6th and 7th block, I saw him in the hall today. So I poked him in the arm. His reaction when he turned and saw me? Same as Scary's. It's can be hugs tiem right NOW, motherfucker! Hee. Woot. And I've barely interacted with these two, at all.

So that's two I've unwittingly trained, right? So who's the third? Well, I know him better than I know either of them up there. I see him almost every other day. I talk to him on a daily basis and hug him on a daily basis - so, technically, he took a lot longer to catch on than the other two. Who is it?
Mr. B, my Drama teacher - Pickles's brother. :B
Every day after class, I walk up and ask for a hug. Because he's the most amazing Drama teacher ever and the most huggable person ever and because he's just overall win. I've been doing this for quite some time; I hugged him once because, though he'd accused me of cheating, he'd changed his mind (however grudgingly), and I basically just tackled him. :B I hugged him once because he'd given me 25/25 on a paper I didn't do, and when I told him, he left it as it was. Since then, I sort of just - hug him whenever. *shrug* Basically, whenever I see him. I saw him the other day at the charity picnic (See also: Dunk tank. WTF?) and I ran over and hugged him. Iggeh promptly accused me of "fraternizing with the enemy", but I don't in any way see him as an enemy. Iggeh, however, is terrified of him. >> Either way. So today, I walked up after class and poked him in the arm - before backing the hell away, fast. He was talking to another girl in the class, and he'd seemed like he was in a really bad mood all block. He looked over, smiled, and said, "Hey," before going back to talking to the other girl. So when she had walked away, I walked up cautiously and poked him again. What's he do? Yeah. Open arms. I'm like... Squee~! <333 I love him to pieces, I actually ended up hugging him 3 times today. He probably thinks I have a crush on him by now, but I don't. x_- Meh, whatever. He's still way beyond awesome.

In other news, DUNK TANK. Omfgwtf. As I mentioned, we had a charity picnic on Tuesday. Basically, we replaced eighth block, Seminar (study hall), with sixth block, and spent sixth block outside if we paid a dollar. There was a dunk tank. And it was freaking chilly out there! Wtf! I was talking to my friends and all of a sudden, Mr. B walks by. In shorts. After initially shuddering at the sight of Mr. B in shorts, I ran over and hugged him as usual before returning to talk to my friends. A bit later I realized, "Oh, he was probably going to the dunk tank." ...Which, at the point it hadn't sunk in how truly stupid that was. Until a bit later, when he walked past again. And again, I ran after him. I poked him in the arm - and his shirt was soaked.
He said, "Hey, what's up?"
"I'ma pokin j00."
"Well, that's awkward."
And we said bye, see you later, and he walked off and I went back to my friends. He was smiling. He was in a good mood. His teeth were chattering.
At which point I realized, holy fuck, a dunk tank? It's COLD OUT HERE. Why the fuck are you dumping them in water when it's this fxcking cold? DX I really hated that... About the same reaction to that as to a whimpering puppy. DDD: AWWWWW. I wanted to hug him again, but he was wet, and I was fairly certain he wouldn't go along with it. >w< Honestly, I wanted to smack whoever came up with the idea. Gtfo my school.

Umm... Oh yeah, this kid in my Drama class who is a complete ass was giving me shit today. My friends got up on stage to read one of their plays (we wrote plays; we have to read them, now) and one of them, while Mr. B was grading I guess, started doing the Hare Hare Yukai up on stage. So I started Caramell Dansen. Just sitting there Caramell Dansen. And all of a sudden from behind me, I hear, "Dude, cut that out! You're making yourself look like a total dumbass." ...Wtf, I'm Caramell Dansen. Do you really think I don't know I look like a dumbass? And from behind Asshole, I hear Mr. B, "Hey, watch your mouth. Do you want to move?" So Asshole says, "No." And Mr. B goes, "Then shut your mouth."
And before I can continue Caramell Dansen, Asshole goes, "She's so distracting." So I turned around and said, "Exactly what am I distracting you from?" and all he could say was, "Shut the fuck up and turn around." *roll* Yeah, you're real mature. Congrats on that one. Great comeback. So Mr. B called Asshole back and I would've paid to hear what he said.
After class, after I'd hugged him and basically everyone had left but my friend and me, Mr. B looked over and said, "Guess (insertasshole'snamehere) was having a bad day, huh?" I snorted and said, "Bad day? Who're you kidding, he's like that every day." (The sad thing is - he is. x___x) I found it vaguely amusing though that Mr. B said that when I'd been so afraid to approach him because he seemed like he was in a bad mood. ...That fear sort of went completely away when he smiled, but whatever.

Um, we've basically been doing Miss Mary Mack constantly this last week. Y'know, that old clapping game from like, first grade? Yeah, that. I'm not kidding. We got in trouble for it today in Drama, I think that may have been one of the reasons I was scared to talk to him. I was sort of surprised he took my side in the Caramell Dansen thing - but then, I guess Caramell Dansen doesn't make noise like Miss Mary Mack does. *annoyance* Hee.

I don't really know what else to say now, I guess. Might write more tomorrow. ...That'll probably more about Pickles than Mr. B though. >>; Dunno why I went off on such a rant about Mr. B. Oh, my dad thinks I have a crush on Mr. B. (He decided this a week after deciding I'm a lesbian "inching my way out  of the closet". Beautiful.) Hell, Mr. B probably thinks I have a crush on Mr. B. I hug him every day and attacked him with Pocky Wednesday.

Oh, right! Pocky! That's right. Um, on Tuesday I conned my dad into buying me a package of Strawberry Pocky, a package of Chocolate Crush Pocky, and a package of chocolate Yan-yan. He, erm, wasn't exactly aware of the fact that I intended to give it to Mr. B, though. Um, yeah. So on Wednesday, I walked to school with my purse full of Pockys. I ate three little packets of the Chocolate Crunch and left him 4. (4 Pocky sticks per packet.) So at the end of Drama on Wednesday, I walked up as my friend was asking him a question and started waving the 4 Pocky packets in front of his face. Finally, after a couple minutes, I said, "Pockyyyyy," and he goes, "Pocky." So after a couple more minutes he goes, "Are you giving it to me?" ...No, dumbshit. I'm teasing you. Take the damned Pocky already. So as he finally took that, I reached into my purse and said, "Yan-yan," as I put the Yan-yan on the table. He goes, "What's the occasion?" and I shrugged and continued with, "...and Pocky," and sat the Strawberry Pocky next to the Yan-yan. So he looks at me and asks, "Are you trying to bribe me?" and I go, "Pfft. Like I need to bribe anyone in this class." (Which totally could have two different meanings, considering he gives me points on things I didn't do anyway. Plus, I have an A in Drama :D) It was really funny. <3 So we hugged and my friend and I left... again... Woot. After I hugged him today we got into a discussion about Pocky and Jelly Cake, which is... well, it really does have a nice flavor if you can get past the texture. Obviously, Mr. B couldn't when I gave him jelly cake for Christmas. I'm such a bitch. But I gave him cute little mushroom-shaped chocolates, too~!

Yeah, I really am gonna get off now. It's 1:40 and I started writing this at like 8 or 9. I want sleep. x____x Night~!

I swear to God, if I thought anymore about this shit, my brain would explode.
This is basically just going to be what I've been thinking about today.

So, last night at the Rep Show (which I went to, after some debating over whether to go to that, and pay $4, but get extra credit, or going to the play at my middle school, which was free and got me the chance to see my old Chorus teacher, but got no extra credit.), I saw Pickles. Again. Not a surprise, he practically lives in that section of the school. He was standing on the stage after the play - I hadn't even noticed he was there before that. So I looked over at him, and he looked over at me for a second or two before going back to talking to his friends. Awkward~
So today, I got there a bit earlier than usual and talked to my friends in the cafeteria for a few minutes before we could go to class. So afterwards, I got swarmed by people wanting duct tape, and when I finally walked through Times Square, a section of hallway by Student Services, Pickles was there, talking to his friends. And he looked over. And looked at me, directly at me, for like, ten seconds. The longest ten seconds of my life. So, unsettled as I was for a few minutes - I forgot about it. Got to gym, changed, worked my ass off and tried not to get screamed at. (Easier said than done, the teacher is a complete ass.) Then we went outside, and ran two laps around the football field. And when we passed the bleachers the visitors sat on, I couldn't help but flash back to the first football game I went to at my school. It was an away game, but it was at our field, because the team we were playing didn't have a field of their own. So we were on the visitor's side - and I mean, I hadn't gone to see the game. I don't understand football at all. I went to see Pickles. I spent the last half of the game staring at him, despite the fact that it started pouring during halftime, since I hadn't spotted him before that. And he doesn't play football, he dances around off to the side like a moron. And yet, somehow, he's absolutely adorable while doing it. So as I ran, panting, past it, I could picture him, drenched from the rain, dancing around and pounding that stupid drum. I hated that drum he used to pound on game days... and I thought back to how this morning he had just looked at me. He hadn't raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement, like he used to, he just stared at me. He didn't wave, he didn't say hi, like he still sometimes does. He just stared at me. So I thought back to the day I fell out of my chair because of him.

The story behind that, is that about a month before, I had sent this message to him:
"Hiya :3 I'm the weird little redhead that sits behind you in Writers' Workshop. XP The one you probably didn't know existed until I freaked out about people reading that piece of ass I was trying to pass off as a children's story. X3"
He never responded - but I knew he'd been on. He'd changed his profile picture. I was sure he'd checked his messages. So about a month later, one Sunday, I was feeling brave, and sent him this message:
"Wahhh~
I'm not sure if you're ignoring me or if you haven't read my message,
but if you're ignoring me stop it >w<
I want to be friends, but if you don't want to - say it! I'd rather you just say, "HEY, I HATE YOU, LEAVE ME ALONE." than ignore me. And I don't care if you respond in class or on Facebook, but I want a response. Please? D;"
Which sounds really immature and stupid, I know, but I was not thinking clearly - obviously. Well... I was wrong, I did care. Type it, please! But no. So I walked into my first class very shyly the next day and sat by my dear friend Iggeh. Pickles walked in. He put his jacket on his chair, turned around, looked directly at me, and said, "Hi." He turned back around and set his back pack on the desk. He looked back at me and I managed a very weak wave - hoping he hadn't gotten it yet and that it was just coincidence, perhaps, that he was saying hi after I'd sent that. So he looks me directly in the eye and says, "I'm not trying to ignore you." ...And I felt my face turn about seven shades redder. I sunk down into my chair and muttered, "Oh... I was... hoping you hadn't gotten that..." ...and the chair slid out from behind me, sending my ass freefalling to the ground as I almost knocked the desk over. But I caught that, at least. Horrified, I whispered, "Oops... didn't mean to do that..." Iggeh, who was sitting next to me, started laughing and trying to hide it. But Pickles, without laughing, held out a hand to help me up. I did actually think about that; so many things ran through my head in those few short moments staring at that hand. As a general rule, I don't let people help me up. I can get up myself, I don't even generally let my friends help me up. And this guy's basically a stranger, albeit a stranger who is clearly very patient and kind. And would it be sending mixed signals if I don't let him? Because I know for a fact that I do that. Would it piss him off? Could it be construed as offensive? And then, there was the matter of my new rubber gloves. I had just the day before gotten a pair of black rubber fingerless spiky gloves. A lot of people I knew just couldn't stand the texture, but I absolutely loved them. I was terrified that if I reached out for him to help me up, the texture would bother him. But for fear of sending mixed signals or pissing him off, I reached out and took his hand and he pulled me up to my feet. Still ten shades redder than usual, I kept my face covered the entire hour.

So I ended up thinking about that, and how patient he has been with me all year. That was the extent of the physical contact I had with him for the longest time, except for perhaps a tap on the shoulder (arm if he was standing, hah) to get his attention every now and then. Every so often, he'd wave or say hi, for no reason. And I thought back to the day we proof-read, which involved us two freshman (Iggeh and me), a sophomore, and two seniors, Pickles and his friend, to get into a group. Which basically entailed me sitting between Pickles and Iggeh. Iggeh? No problem. Pickles.. Pickles? What? Oh, no, no no no. We passed our papers in a circle; mine was absolutely awful and a last minute effort that I hadn't made the effort to fix when I found out I had more time. This was when we peer editted our children's stories. So I was very reluctant to pass the story to Iggeh, not for fear of her reading, but for fear of the fact that  Pickles was going to have to read it. It went to the left first, so Pickles passed his story to me and Iggeh tried to pull mine from my hands. I held it and attempted to wrestle it away from her until I felt a small tap on my arm. I looked over to see who, and Pickles was looking at me and he said, "She has to read it." ...Right, because she's the one I don't want reading it, totally. So I read over Pickles's story, and despite the fact that we're all supposed to comment on it, I couldn't find anything constructive to say, so I just passed it along to Iggeh. After the fourth turn, Pickles's friend handed my story to Pickles.  I looked up, a little scared, and whispered, "Don't read it!" ...I thought I'd said it quietly enough, but I suppose... well, the room was basically dead silent... So he looked over at me and went back to reading as I slid further down into my chair.  So finally, all five of us finished reading everyone's, and we passed ours on to the next group to be read. But the group to be passing to us wasn't done yet, so we had some free time. I continued writing "VKSA" all over my arm and finally got around to pulling out my journal (VKSA is FUCK in code... I needed something to cuss on, I was pretty freaked by the fact of sitting right next to Pickles. Bad first impression, I suppose? Yeah, maybe.) while chatting with Iggeh. Pickles, however, was talking to everyone.
"So, who's going to the game tonight?" ...Everyone is silent. Pickles is the president of the pep club. He beat the drum in the hallway every day we had a football game, it was pretty annoying. So he adds, "I expect you all to be at the game." I started giggling at this point. So he looks at me and goes, "Why are you laughing? I'm not joking." So the sophomore smirks and he says, "Why are you smirking?"
...This was a big part of why I went to the game that first time. It wasn't the one that night, it was an away game and I couldn't get a ride. But that night I did get a North hoodie, and since... well, I've got 3 now, but the other two weren't of my own choice. Thank you, Dad, for the school spirit. Whoo.
The first night I went for a game, I was looking for him all over the field, but I couldn't find him. At around halftime, they announced that the game was being stopped for ten minutes due to weather - it was pouring, and also it was thundering and lightning-ing. (Why they cleared the field first instead of the metal bleachers, I'm not at all sure. Don't ask me.) On the way back in when they declared that it was back on, I caught sight of him - he was towards the middle, as far as the bleachers were concerned, and he was on the track. It was still pouring, so my friends all ran for cover. I, on the other hand, stood on the top of the bleachers as before, drenched and a little chilly, but contently watching Pickles. I kept watching him - nobody knew I liked him, then, but me, so everyone kept trying to figure out who I was watching and I told them they were wrong when they guessed him... but I already talked about him a lot, so how could they not know, anyway? Hell, how could he not know, with the way I acted around him?
And I mean, he does know, now. Hell, I told him. Sort of, anyway. All of Roli says it doesn't count, because I didn't tell him to his face, but I gave him a note, which is less chicken than Facebook. So he knows, all right? And later that night, since I tossed the note at him and ran out of the room (I wish I hadn't, I wish I told him to his face, or given him the note at the beginning of class, so I could've seen more of a reaction), after the A.R.T. show, he walked by us when he walked out the door, and a few seconds later he came back in - only this time as he walked by, he was facing us. I was the only one who noticed him, probably, but as he walked by he looked over at me and raised his eyebrows at me and waved. I left for Minnesota the next day, to see my sister in a play. So I missed two days of school, and when I got home at about 6:30 on Sunday, I sent him a friend request on Facebook.
At 10, he accepted - and I didn't get to sleep until 12.
And I can't believe it's so close to the end of the year. There's less than a month left for the seniors - and just a little over for the rest of us. In a little less than a month, I'll probably never see Pickles again. I can't even imagine that. I've barely talked to the boy, but I know that I desperately want to be friends with him, and I desperately want him to be happy. But I also know I'm going to miss him, so much, and I don't want him to go. He wants to go to college in Chicago. I'll still be stuck here, in North. In high school. Knowing I'll probably never see him again.
In a little over a month, I'll never be a freshman again. I'll never have these classes again, I'll probably never have these teachers again. I'll almost definitely never have Mr. B, my Drama teacher, again. Mr. B is Pickles's brother, but that's not why he's so amazing. He just is. But he doesn't teach either of the theatre classes I signed up for next year, and unless I make it into Advanced Repertory Theatre, which is highly doubtful, or he gets a schedule change, I won't get to put up with him anymore. People are going to switch schools and electives, and I'll have new classmates and I'll lose some old ones. And somehow, even though I'm only a freshman, I'm already stressing over the fact that I'm graduating in three years. Three years! Three years, and I'll never see most of these people again. Less than a month and I'll never see Pickles again. And I'm terrified of the thought of losing my friends. I don't want to forget them, I don't want them to forget me. I have the best friends anyone could ask for, I can't even imagine living without them.  I can't even imagine how Pickles must be feeling - I'm three years from graduating, he's less than a month from graduating. How stressed must he be?
And some days were just awkward beyond all reason with no set purpose for it to be all that awkward. One morning, I walked into Writer's Workshop next to Iggeh - early, so she, Iggeh, and a couple of the teachers were the only ones in the room. Three teachers share the classroom; Ms. D, who has been there the longest, taught Writer's Workshop, along with other things, Mrs. M, and Mr. B, my Drama teacher - who didn't have a class that hour and sat in the back of the room every day. So Iggeh gave me a hard time about 'being on time for once'. I closed my eyes and looked away from her. And when I opened them, I found that Mr. B was standing right next to me, about to say something. I was terrified - wouldn't you be if you looked over randomly and there's a teacher just staring at you?  So I squealed and I think I hit him a couple times. He laughed, really hard. And it wasn't even like he was getting something off Ms. D's desk, because he was just standing there. And that was just the beginning. We had "Cappuccino Day" that day, which was where classes could sign up to go down to the library and they had doughnuts and cookies and muffins and cappuccino and hot chocolate for like, less than a buck each. So Ms. D took the Writer's Workshop class down. I stood by the door, waiting for Iggeh, and a junior in my Writer's Workshop class walked up. (My Writer's Workshop class was almost all juniors and seniors, other than a few sophomores and of course, Iggeh and I were the only two freshmen.) He asked me if I had any money. I shook my head - and he offered me one of his doughnuts. I didn't accept, but c'mon, how sweet is that? (Everybody, group aww. Do it.) Then I got a C on a test in English, the class I'm doing best in (other than Drama, but that's Mr. B's fault) because it was a group test and the grades of the assholes in my group affected my grade. In Science, my teacher was passing out tickets that were each worth I think 50 cents at the Cappuccino Day thing, and I told him I didn't want them, so he tried to give me two. I don't even remember what Mr. B did, he may have ignored me that day. *shrug* Dunno.
God, I think too much.
And as much as I wish that all I want is for Pickles to be happy, I can't say that. Because even though I really want him to be happy, I don't want him to leave. I'm really going to miss him, and I don't want him to go to Chicago. Or I at least wish we could stay in contact when he goes, but... he doesn't talk on Facebook, obviously.
At least, not to me.
He does to everyone else...
Which somehow brings me back to - why did he used to raise his eyebrows to acknowledge me and now he doesn't? He clearly sees me! At least I know I'm not invisible, thanks!
Another day in Writer's Workshop, we had to read our children's stories out loud. So Pickles went first. Ms. D asked him to introduce any pep club news, so he mentioned a game. Obviously, the game was at some sort of indian reservation and - surprise! We're the Indians! So we basically weren't allowed to do war paint or anything. So he looks to point out the indian head hoodie, which we can't wear - and out of the 3 or 4 people in the class to point it out on, he chose me. Fxck. (Also, when his story was done, nobody had anything good to say about it, except for the drawings - which he didn't even do. I didn't have the guts to raise my hand and compliment it - now I wish I had.)

And just sitting here typing all this, I have so much more left to say. Maybe I'll type more of it tomorrow, if I get a second wind. I'm tired for now, though... and so overwhelmed by thought that it's really hard to type and think and stay awake at the same time.
I'm never staying silent for that long again. It makes me think. And I do NOT need to be thinking this hard.

[/Accepted reference]

So, yes. The other day, I was standing outside the Drama entrance, talking to my friend. And Pickles, the guy I like, was there. He's a senior, I'm a freshman, he knows I like him, we don't talk. At all. So I'm just standing there, talking to my friend, and I glance over at him.
And he's looking at me.
Intently.
And less than subtly.
So I look back at my friend, and a bit later I look back over.
And realize he's staring at me, less-than-subtly.
Why, why, why does he choose the days that I'm dressed normally to stare at me? I wasn't wearing a fox tail, I wasn't wearing cat ears, I wasn't wearing elf ears. The strangest thing I was wearing was the fingerless My Chemical Romance gloves I got at the concert. So, I've decided he's trying to blow me up with his mind.

The strangest thing, is he did the same thing last Thursday. I followed a different friend down to the Drama hallway after school to talk to somebody, and Pickles was there, sitting in the window and talking to his friend.  So we walked straight past him and then on the way back, we stopped in the lobby where he was. And after a minute, I became uncomfortably aware of the fact that he was staring at me. I was terrified and SO glad to get the hell out of there. D;  And neither time was I dressed strangely. (Hell, I had a class with him last semester, he's probably used to me wearing weird shit.)

Guhh, I wish if he was going to stare, he'd at least say hi or start a conversation - or at the very least, explain why the hell he's staring.

Damn straight, I dress up to go out.
But I dress out more to freak people out than to impress them.

Going for a walk?
MCR fingerless gloves, blue-ish silver shorts, maroon top.
Butterfly wings, rainbow clip-on cat ears, a fox tail, and - to top it off - pink leggings.

Do we get stared at?
Hell yes, isn't that the point? I don't care how nice I look. I'm not even usually trying to freak people out. I like wearing my fox tail. I wear my elf ears and circlet on a daily basis, and if you think that doesn't get some stares in the hallways of my high school, you're mistaken. They glue on to my ears; I'm terrified that I'll run out of glue before the next Renaissance Fest rolls around and I can buy more.